Sunday, September 18, 2011

Can't Won't Don't

I have noticed that whenever I am in a bad situation, when I feel like there is no way out of it, I am trying to learn a lesson but am resistant to it. So, thus, if I focus on figuring it out, and then learning that lesson, gaining that skill, manifesting that feeling as soon as possible, then the bad situation will go away much more quickly.

In my experience, bad situations are merely a forceful lesson for us to learn something that we have been afraid/too mad/too resistant to learn. Sometimes these lessons can last years. But once you click and see that it is a lesson, and you need to learn it, otherwise it will just get worse, then you can eliminate that bad situation, and start moving forward very fast.

I think that it is harder when the situation is that something you want does not come into your life, be it a person, place or things. If you are trying and trying but the thing you "think" you want does not come into your life, then chances are more likely it is not going to help your growth. If you just focus on the need, instead of the object, what you need will then manifest, and you won't feel unsatisfied anymore, although with a lot of letting go and will power. It is hard.

Recently I am working on showing more of myself in relationships. I tend to be "underwhelmed" and so this drives away potential friends. I always think I am overreacting, but it is not so. I try now to express my feelings, especially of appreciation. This is very difficult for me to do. I am learning though.

It actually makes me feel better to express my feelings in person and at the time I am feeling them, which is VERY HARD for me to do. I am so scared that I will be too vulnerable. But I will see how it goes. I like to write because it helps me to express my feelings without pressure, and then I can know better how I feel in real time encounters. It is hard to express myself to people, and even on a blog. I do think that there is merit in trying, even when you move real slowly at first. The more tricks and tips you learn though, the faster it picks up, until you have an ability to talk easily to people. Although it is difficult to put myself into situations like that.

I am considering right now whether I should sell my art work in a holiday bazaar or not. It will be scary to be around so many people, and to sell my work. I think it will be hard if no one wants to buy my work. But then again, this might be one of those things that makes me better at interactions, and I might realize hey, this is not so bad. But I am really really scared.

I don't know if I am ready yet. It's hard to do something new. I might get scared at the last minute. I don't want to sign up and then get scared. Just still not sure about it yet. We will see....

Monday, September 12, 2011


Well, I have been channeling the power of manifesting, the law of attraction.

Here is what I always thought:

The law of attraction is that whatever you want, eventually will come to you. Whatever you give you will receive ten fold.

Here is what I learned:

Attraction is only about thought. If you come from a place of grateful thinking, then you will attract abundance. If you come from a place where you are wanting what you don't have, you become miserable.


I can give all I want, but it won't give me anything.

I can want all things with all of my willpower, but if I am longing for things I don't have, guess what, I won't get anything, and will in fact block receiving at all.

It gets scarcer and scarcer, until you stop longing. Because as you are longing, you are unable to notice the grace of God, the real gift, which is that you are alive, and you are getting a chance to raise your vibration, which is what this whole life is all about.

So fatal attraction is what longing is all about. And attraction is all about gratefulness.

If I am grateful for my jeans, then I am more likely to be able to look for jeans like that.

If I think a good thought, then I am more likely to remember what it feels like to be happy, and then I will be able to think another good thought.

Good thoughts lead to unfolding future possibilities. Fear thoughts diminish all possibilities.

Open the door. Release the possibilities. Then the universe becomes your best friend.

I am learning this right now.

I am also learning that talking things out, writing things out, really helps to clarify what I already know in my head.

I am dreaming of making this a spiritual blog. That thought makes me feel good.

I enjoy being able to take the most precious time in life and really be able to expand that to take up most of my life, and to continually let my life take a natural turn. I have learned and have been learning so much, but have been so afraid to speak up. Now I am excited to say that I want to communicate my thoughts.

I will share my thoughts be it general or spiritual. It may be difficult for me to open up to my feelings. But I am able to heal and grow through blogging.

Work life right now is a little bit too out of element for me. I need to integrate more and more into a seamless routine. I want to be doing what I love at every moment, and I always feel best when I am being natural.

Playing cards, writing, painting, gardening, reading books, investing, and thinking about the universe is all I love, and learning to be with people, and to make friends, that is a struggle.

This blog is now about learning to grow and to overcome pain with spirituality.