Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Winter Break

     There was one time when I felt truly safe and taken care of by God. This was a span of 3-4 weeks during my winter break in college. I decided not to go home after much internal debating, and instead set up places to stay based on the help of others. I went to a particular book store every once in a while, and certain books would jump out at me. I would read them and be completely inspired. I was pretty much alone the whole time, aside from chance coexisting with roommates along the way. I would drive in my car along the long winter roads, forged between the forest trees.
     I loved winter so much that I also stayed at Red Hook that summer. I rented out a room in a house, stayed there all by myself and walked to the organic food store where I worked in the morning. I house sat and did different odd jobs. I went to the video store and rentals would jump out at me just like with the books. I had no internet at the house so I would drive on to campus to go online. I would mostly watch movie and make collages at home. I relied heavily on others even though I was living alone. My friend let me use her car for a couple of weeks. I am not sure what had happened to mine. I would walk through the cemetery and give food donations at the church. Books would also jump out at me at the library.
     Then when the kids who lived there returned for the next school year, they helped me clean and pack up my stuff. I stayed there with them for a little bit. There was a giant picture of a wolf on the carpet in the living room and pictures of bats along the walls. The guy who stayed in my room was a musician. One girl was an artist (like me) and the other was into literature.
   When I returned to school, my friends were upset because they thought I had abandoned them. I hadn't returned their calls when they came back. I was so used to being alone. That next year there were a lot of changes for me. It was the first time I had experience natural changes and a lightening of my load.
    I have been inspired to capture that feeling of safety and comfort and inspiration.  I want to move towards that feeling again, and begin to capture it.


Tuesday, June 3, 2014


                                          Image from

I am fascinated with Tugtupite. I currently covet it and yet I cannot get it; for some reason it is out of my grasp. It is a rare mineral from Greenland that is very expensive but also very hard to find. It also has very intense properties. Although Tugtupite is a heart opener and an unleash-er of deep love, it is also very dangerous and reveals the dark side of love. It helps you to break negative emotional patterns within yourself [] and opens the thymus/higher heart chakra.

The thymus chakra is a great opener to your true passion in life. I wish to work my dream job, painting and healing with crystals all day, but I really just spend most of my time at a different job, and I like it, but it is not my passion. For me, Tugtupite represents me getting closer to what I want to do with my life. With this closeness comes great pain, I know from getting in touch with the past already. But moving through the past is what allows me to clear the space for me to get closer to myself.

Ah, the Tugtupite message is "I seek out and find kindred spirits". That is something I really need to do more in life. []

I was just reading today about how some people are clingers and some are avoid-ant. When you get the people together it is like one person is always running when  they are scared while the other one is always chasing. It is like an endless pattern of loop running and chasing. There is not intimacy there. Tugtupite lets you stand still.

I think standing still is so nice because I can listen to my spirit guides. Also, I am able to observe and feel my self in a way that is slow and delicate. I like to look out at water and hear the bugs chirp endlessly. We are all spirits and connected. I feel like we are able to see more when we are ready. For example, I knew about the 7 chakras until one day I had a talk at a crystal store with someone, and I realized that there were up to 27 chakras... and now I believe there could be many more. There is also another world that I am unaware of that is all around me all the time...

Tugtupite can help with loneliness and find kindred spirits. I feel lonely spiritually sometimes.