Sunday, September 18, 2011

Can't Won't Don't

I have noticed that whenever I am in a bad situation, when I feel like there is no way out of it, I am trying to learn a lesson but am resistant to it. So, thus, if I focus on figuring it out, and then learning that lesson, gaining that skill, manifesting that feeling as soon as possible, then the bad situation will go away much more quickly.

In my experience, bad situations are merely a forceful lesson for us to learn something that we have been afraid/too mad/too resistant to learn. Sometimes these lessons can last years. But once you click and see that it is a lesson, and you need to learn it, otherwise it will just get worse, then you can eliminate that bad situation, and start moving forward very fast.

I think that it is harder when the situation is that something you want does not come into your life, be it a person, place or things. If you are trying and trying but the thing you "think" you want does not come into your life, then chances are more likely it is not going to help your growth. If you just focus on the need, instead of the object, what you need will then manifest, and you won't feel unsatisfied anymore, although with a lot of letting go and will power. It is hard.

Recently I am working on showing more of myself in relationships. I tend to be "underwhelmed" and so this drives away potential friends. I always think I am overreacting, but it is not so. I try now to express my feelings, especially of appreciation. This is very difficult for me to do. I am learning though.

It actually makes me feel better to express my feelings in person and at the time I am feeling them, which is VERY HARD for me to do. I am so scared that I will be too vulnerable. But I will see how it goes. I like to write because it helps me to express my feelings without pressure, and then I can know better how I feel in real time encounters. It is hard to express myself to people, and even on a blog. I do think that there is merit in trying, even when you move real slowly at first. The more tricks and tips you learn though, the faster it picks up, until you have an ability to talk easily to people. Although it is difficult to put myself into situations like that.

I am considering right now whether I should sell my art work in a holiday bazaar or not. It will be scary to be around so many people, and to sell my work. I think it will be hard if no one wants to buy my work. But then again, this might be one of those things that makes me better at interactions, and I might realize hey, this is not so bad. But I am really really scared.

I don't know if I am ready yet. It's hard to do something new. I might get scared at the last minute. I don't want to sign up and then get scared. Just still not sure about it yet. We will see....

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