Sometimes I think that having a desire and manifesting that desire can feel like labor. First of all, you never know how long it will take. Second of all, it can feel painful at times as you wait for that item to manifest. Last, it is such a joyful feeling when you are finally in contact with the object of your desire.
So I am having a similar experience recently with a crystal wand. I saw this crystal wand in the shop but it was "too expensive" and this crystal wand has brought up lots and lots of resistance for me. I have gone through painful emotions thinking how I could not afford this particular wand. And then I thought about how I want to buy it even though I don't think I can afford it. Then I thought about the times I went into debt because of this attitude. What I am trying to find is something in the middle.
I have been saving money especially for crystals. I don't really have enough saved for this particular item yet. But I think if I wait a month, I can afford the one I found online. So exciting! It took me looking through web sites and accepting that maybe I will only read the description for the crystal. It has everything I want in terms of properties. I think I will wait to buy it, but I am happy that I have found the particular object that I want online.